Why
by Hellen Lou
Summary: The Why the crew have been asking themselves. Inara, Zoe, Simon and Kaylee's why's first.
1. Inara

The why series

Just a small series of the main question each character has. With a little poem attached.

Why….

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**Inara**

_Why when all I wish to do _

_Is run and hide_

_Does your voice beckon me?_

_Back to your side. _

Why…. Why didn't I leave when I had the chance? There had been plenty of times for me to return to the gild, I had made a promise to the other companions.

Looking at them, this mismatched crew I begin to understand. And not for the first time did I notice that this mismatched crew isn't in fact mismatched, my trained eye should have seen it long before now. They balanced each other out, their individual colours not clashing but complementing each other.

Why had I let them burrow so deep beneath my skin… my heart? Smiling now, staring at them recovering from their hurt. I've met people with far better manners, taste and social skills… well just better about everything else, but I have yet to meet people so devote to their belief, and not a belief in something or some higher power.

No these people… this crew… this family… my family had a strong belief that you can't but help to be pulled back, they believed in each other so deeply that it overwhelms the senses.

And I wouldn't have it any other way… to feel for the crew of serenity you have to be taken over by those feelings.

Why… well that was a different question, I've just answered one; in fact I had answered two but the rest could wait because my family are waiting for me.

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	2. Zoe

The why series

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**Zoë**

_Why when I shed one drop of blood_

_The world will not stop_

_But when I shed one tear _

_The world shudders _

_And weeps with me _

Why….why did he have to walk in? The tears were mine, to shed, to taste they were mine to mourn. I know if I was to question him out loud he would tell me it was his ship and that as captain he could go where he please.

But why here, why now. He didn't need to see me like this, my personal tears for the man I shall always love… the husband I shall mourn… the absent figure that will continued to hold my heart.

I know he doesn't want to see me like this, of course he doesn't because I'm his second in command, I'm his warrior woman… I'm the strong and solid member of his crew that could be his rock so he didn't have to show his emotions. But he's standing there while I cry in my absent husbands chair, wishing to feel that final last piercing cut just to see him.

Why did Mal have to walk in then… why because he can, not because he's the captain or my boss but because he can, he can see his warrior woman cry and sob because she will always be his warrior woman. He's gone now, no words said but the look in his eyes prove to me that I shall never worry about shattering my image with him… why shouldn't I worry, because I knew by the last glimpse he sent that he was going to shed his own tears and those for who would not or could not cry anymore.

And that made the why seem less important.


	3. Simon

The why series

Why….

* * *

**Simon**

_Why when you cried _

_Did I run to fix you_

_Only to find _

_I broke you a little more _

Why… why couldn't I fix her… a better question was why I couldn't make it go back to the way it was before. I look at her as she makes the River noises, the ones I always respond to. The ones that make me flee to sedate her yet again.

Why does it seem every time I try to fix her she broke a little more… I feel useless, I'm a doctor… I'm her brother, I should be able to fix her… well at least fix THIS.

The crew are use to this now, sitting around the table. No one flinches anymore, no one shoots her those worried eyes. Could it be that they ignored her… no, after what happened… after what she had done they couldn't ignore her.

It was because of this crew that she was like this now, and it hurts because I know from now on no matter what I think I can never fix River.

I never accepted defeat… but now watching River, I think I might have to. So I laugh, I laugh along with everyone else including River who clutches her side and my arm.

Why couldn't I fix my Mei Mei…. Why because she doesn't need fixing anymore, she's prefect just the way she is and the crew seem happy with that and so am I.


	4. Kaylee

The why series

Why….

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**Kaylee**

_Why in a place I see happiness _

_Is death hovering_

_To take those I love_

_To a place that can be only described _

_As happiness _

Why… why did it hurt so much that I would cry but at the time feel so right and good that I wanted to laugh.

It hurt the most when I watched Wash, Book and Mr. Universe being buried… and Simon held my hand. The warmth butted with the coldness swirling around my stomach.

Watching him look at me with utter love and happiness I wish to soar but my feet stay planted fast to the ground. Even within my girl while she's doing what she does best flying through the black, do I feel my wings are now clipped.

I love him but I want to cry because it can't be right to find so much happiness among so much death.

Zoë the ever calm warrior woman has sadness around her…. in the chair Wash was sat at and it broke my heart because I feel the happiness and love she used to feel sitting beside me holding my hand.

But looking at her and everyone else I understand now I guess.

Why did it hurt so much… because it was life, where love and happiness gives meaning to death.

It didn't hurt so much after that.

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Next Mal, River and Jayne. hope you enjoyed please review 


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